What Would You Say...

"I'd like to ask you out, but I'm afraid of what your boyfriend might say."
"Boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend."
And that's how I imagined I would wend my way into some strange woman's life. At some bar, or maybe browsing in the record store. My ultimate pick-up line was designed to be flattering and somewhat self-effacing. If I was met with only an icy stare, I hadn't really invested anything. There was no real harm in suggesting that someone might be lucky enough to already be in a committed relationship. I felt that it was airtight.
And yet I never used it. Not even once. I offered it up to friends from time to time as they made their own dating strategies, but I was much to fearful of the response. What response? Why, the one I imagined, of course. Back in the days when I was single, I simply could not get past the notion that I would always be alone. It was my fate, my destiny.
Standing in front of someone to receive rejection seems so desperately old-fashioned now. That's what the Internet is for. Friendships are made and lost by the click of a mouse. Even something as quaint as "speed-dating" seems positively provincial in a world that offers us a service that "matches compatible men and women based on twenty-nine Dimensions of Compatibility that are predictors of long-term relationship success." And that's the one that has all the commercials. If you want harmony in your match, just point and click.
Still, I'm guessing that at some point, there will be a box to fill in, or a face-to-face conversation that will allow some amount of ritual humiliation. Nothing's perfect. By the way, I once asked my wife what she thought of my line, and she rolled her eyes and thanked me for never using it. I thank her for relieving me from that awesome responsibility. That's the kind of honesty I have come to expect in my relationship.