Saturday, June 06, 2009

Before Jack Black Was A Panda

And now, as a tribute to the passing of the late, great David Carradine, my Reader's Digest version of every episode ever made of "Kung Fu."
"Hey, Chinaman!"
"I am called 'Caine.'"
"Yeah, whatever. Anyway Chinaman, we don't take kindly to outsiders around here."
"I am called 'Caine.'"
"Looks like the Chinaman needs us to teach him a lesson!" "I am called -" At this point, the toothless brutes begin to descend upon the shaggy, barefooted guy carrying a bed roll and a wooden flute. The edges of the screen get fuzzy and faintly ponderous, plunky music begins. Walking through a room full of candles, an old blind man with a shaved head turns to his equally bald companion, "The road of life is full of pebbles, Grasshopper."
"I know master. They stick in my foot and make me angry."
"Do not get angry with them, Grasshopper. Get even."
After a commercial break, the soft focus is gone and there is much slow-motion chopping and socking. Boards are broken and windows are smashed all in the name of passive resistance. Getting up off the floor and wiping the blood from his mouth, the first brute extends his hand. "Well Chin- I mean, Caine, you sure taught us a lot about understanding there."
Bowing deeply, "Yes." With that, the stranger picks up his bed roll and wanders off into the trackless dunes of sand that are apparently just outside all frontier towns of the 1800's. And he just keeps wandering. Goodbye, Caine. Thank you for teaching me so much about understanding.


Mrs. Id said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Id said...

I always liked the part where Grasshopper has to carry the burning cauldron across the room with his bare forearms, "earning" his scars. Such honor. Such mystique. Such... sadism... and masochism...

Anonymous said...

LOL, thanks Dave that was a good one.