Voice Of Reason

There's so much going on in the world of celebrity these days, it's hard to keep track of all the details: Were Mary-Kate and Heath really an item, and if that doesn't speak to his state of mind, I'm not sure what does. Did the stars who made the perilous journey to Sundance this winter get all the attention that they couldn't get at the Golden Globes this year? Just what is Amy Winehouse's problem, or is it merely an audition to replace Jeff Conaway on "Celebrity Rehab"? And what about the writer's strike? American Gladiators? Haven't we suffered enough?
Then there's this: "HGH (human growth hormone) is nothing," Sylvester Stallone tells Time magazine in its February fourth issue. "Anyone who calls it a steroid is grossly misinformed." Gee, Sly, I don't suppose you'd like to inform all of us, would you? "Testosterone to me is so important for a sense of well-being when you get older," he says. "Everyone over forty years old would be wise to investigate it because it increases the quality of your life. Mark my words. In ten years it will be over the counter." Well, some silly folks who practice medicine for a living, who have never starred in a movie about professional arm-wrestling, have suggested that side effects of injecting human growth hormone may include acromegaly, fluid retention, carpal tunnel syndrome, painful joints, gynecomastia (enlarged breasts in males), and liver damage. To be sure, there are plenty of preparations available over the counter presently that offer just as many or more, but it makes you think: Do you suppose that he knows what he's talking about? The effects listed were found on a web site the promotes HGH use.
I'm surprised that they didn't include "rampant occurrence of sequels". The fourth Rambo movie opens this weekend. You can find the Italian Stallion grazing at a theater near you.