Leave My Monkey Alone

Last week, in response to the swarming Iranian patrol boats threatening a U.S. destroyer, Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said: "Be prepared, first, to put your sights on the American vessel. And then be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of Hell, because that is exactly what you will see after that."
Not to be outdone by someone whose name brings Smurfs to mind, onetime Law and Order star Fred Thompson added, "I think one more step and they would have been introduced to those virgins that they're looking forward to seeing."
Witty repartee aside, it would seem that Mister Thompson forgot that Islam provides virgins for all those who reach heaven, but the Koran suggests that a martyr's death in Jihad would get him there. This seems to run somewhat contrary to Mister Huckabee's mention of the gates of Hell, unless he's referring to the film by legendary Italian director Lucio Fulci.
No matter, since anyone who has seen the video of the "attack" and the film "Caddyshack" will be instantly reminded of the image of Al Czervik's yacht plowing through the water, it's wake tossing all other craft aside like - well - tiny Iranian patrol boats.
Now comes the news that the heavily accented warning that can be heard at in the video ("I am coming to you. ... You will explode after ... minutes.") may have been the work of Filipino Monkey, a name used by mariners around the globe for someone who uses his radio for unnecessary or inappropriate transmissions. Navy officials have said they were unsure where the transmission that issued the "warning" came from.
No doubt Governor Huckabee and Senator Thompson would like "the Monkey" to moderate the next debate.