Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The Right Reverend

Jerry Falwell collapsed in his office today. He fell down dead. It might be amusing to imagine what his last words were: "If Tinky Winky isn't gay, may God strike me dead." Or something like that. The architect of the Moral Majority has gone to join the choir invisible, and who can imagine a replacement for this defender of the religious right?
I'm guessing that Pastor Ted Haggard might once have been a good choice, until he turned out to have more in common with that purple Teletubbie than would have been completely appropriate, even though therapy "gave Ted the tools to help to embrace his heterosexual side." What about God's Little Elf, Pat Robertson? Perhaps because compared to Jerry Falwell (after 9/11 blaming feminists, gays and liberals for bringing on the terrorist attacks) Pat Robertson still seems like a pretty solid nutjob (God spoke to him and told him that "mass killings" were to come during 2007, due to a terrorist attack on the United States.)
More likely we'll get to see a little more of Doctor James Dobson, head of "Focus on the Family." He maintains that homosexual behavior can be corrected (hear that, Pastor Ted?). He would rather have us focus our attention on "the integrity of marriage and the teaching of sexual abstinence and morality to our children" than global warming, since evidence supporting global warming was not conclusive.
Heck, why bother taking over the Moral Majority? Sounds like this guy has all the right stuff to be President of the United States!
I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Casue I want to be the minority
- "Minority" by Green Day

No comments: