Must Delete Spam

I know that the correct thing to do with any e-mail that I do not immediately recognize the sender is to delete it. Delete it with maximum aggression and haste. Spam is evil and can lead to viruses and lower interest rates and penis enlargement. Aren't you tempted to peek? I am.
Today I got a message from Lavonne Lynch called "Fwd: Information." What information? Could this be the missing piece of data that would help me finally realize my Grand Unificaiton Theory? Maybe it has to do with my contest entry with the Coke Rewards program - Coca Cola in unlimited supply for the rest of my natural life. Or maybe it's something I really don't want to know, like my house was built on an Indian Burial Mound.
Now don't you see my conundrum?
I knew that opening the Spam would be wrong, so I decided to use Al Gore's Internet to do a little checking on Ms. Lynch. Turns out she is an employee of DLR Properties and recently reported $700 damage to the walls and three doors of a rental home on the 1000 block of E. Emma Ave. She is also a very community minded individual, having nominated Gloria Sneed for the 2003 AARP Andrus Award. Gloria didn't send me any e-mail, but I wonder if the "information" has anything to do with the Adrus Award. In a letter to the editor from January 2004, she suggests we "Insist on a real answer and don't stand still for the canned speeches and pablum answers." One thing is certain, even if I tempt fate and delete her most vital missive, Hayden, Idaho is lucky to have someone like her around.
As for the message from Collin Pack, well I can only assume he's writing to brag about his golf score.