Sugar and Spice, but Not So Nice

A wave of pity came over me yesterday morning as I intercepted a note between two of the fourth grade girls in my class. It was not for them, although the part of me that remembered being convinced that the best way to communicate was on scraps of paper no bigger than a post-it was still barely visible in my rearview mirror. I felt pity for the boys in my class as it became apparent to me that, once again, the girls were flying ahead on the superhighway of maturity while the boys were stuck idling on the shoulder.
Lots of driving imagery here, but I digress. The note listed, on one side, "Cute Boys." None of the young men who made the cut were to be found in my class. Only one of them even attends our school, and he is in fifth grade. The rest of the young men were just that - media types who were staring adolescence square in the face and milking it for all it's worth. The other side contained a list titled "Gayboys." This is where the names from my class appeared.
Normally, I make a quick suggestion of what we could do with notes that are passed in my class: post them on the bulletin board, use them for repeated line writing, or the ever-present standby reading them aloud. This was different. The level of cruelty shocked me, and I asked the girls to come back to the classroom at lunch so we could discuss possible consequences. I have a zero tolerance policy for any kind of name-calling, and this seemed to be slightly beyond the pale. I wanted to know why they felt it was okay to just be cruel for cruelty's sake.
When they showed up at lunch, they came with the appropriate amount of shame and candor. They knew that what they were doing was wrong. They got some extra cafeteria duty and some time on the bench during the next lunch recess to get over whatever inspired their impulse for slander. Or is it libel? I can't remember the distinction.
Why did that have to happen? The girls aren't what I would consider troublemakers - they were just experimenting with the kind of judgments and labeling that they will get to do and have done to them for the rest of their lives. I wanted to tell them that I hoped that they could make this their one and only experience with this kind of hate, but I don't think I made that strong an impression. Don't get me wrong - they won't be passing notes in my class anymore, and I imagine they will think twice before they start throwing around "gayboy" labels anytime soon. They know to sneer at the idea of being paired with a boy for reading practice. They will always snicker when the suggestion is made that two boys or two girls care deeply for one another. They even have a hard time expressing their love for their parents.
The girls aren't alone in this, they're just a little more sophisticated about it. By the end of the year, the boys will be every bit as harsh and unrelenting to each other and the girls around them. It's part of growing up, and it's terribly sad. I wish that I could follow them around for the next ten years, intercepting notes and handing out cafeteria duty.