What Is It Good For?

 Absolutely nothing.

Which doesn't stop us all from participating in this war thing. But just like "mass shootings," it is important to define our terms. Wikipedia has a list of "ongoing armed conflicts" which uses the number of casualties to describe the difference between a skirmish or a clash and a Major War.  With everyone watching the scoreboard, it is not likely for Russia's invasion of Ukraine to become a mass casualty event. And yet we continue to refer to it as "waging war."

Probably because we have cheapened the term over the past few decades. The War On Drugs. The War On Terror. The War On Christmas. Not like the good old days when wars came in such big packages that we felt invigorated by using Roman Numerals to keep them distinct and clear. Once upon a time the Russians found themselves in a shooting war in Afghanistan. This conflict made such an impression that it served as the backdrop of a Rambo movie, which used Roman numerals to define it as III. Sylvester Stallone has yet to send his musclebound mercenary back to Afghanistan to fight alongside the American Troops who slogged along to a tie themselves after twenty long years. It should be noted here that Rambo was fighting alongside many of the same "freedom fighters" whose next generation was shooting at Americans. So very hard to keep track of good guys and bad guys.

But we're pretty sure that Russia, especially under the iron hand rule of Vladimir "The Shirtless Wonder" Putin. His reaction to all this fuss is reminiscent to the one stirred up by another autocrat, Ted Turner who, when asked about his ham-handed colorization of classic movies, insisted, "Last time I checked, I owned 'em." Ever since the Berlin Wall came down in 1989 and the Soviet Union disbanded, the politicheski have been working hard to return to the salad days of global domination. Like the puppet of a president in Belarus, which is now a model for what Russia hopes Ukraine will become. 

I'm not a big fan of the Domino Theory, unless it means that I'm getting five bucks off my next pizza. But where do we draw a line? Economic sanctions don't mean a lot when you're a megalomaniac. I'm looking at you, Kim Jong Un. No real surprise that the former game show host who pretended to be president of the United States for four years referred to Putin and Un as his besties. 

So I return to the initial question. War: what is it good for? Well, last time I checked, we had drugs, terror and Christmas. So I'm guessing my answer will remain "absolutely nothing."

Pick a side, Rambo.