Friday, October 29, 2021

The Brain Trust

 Danny Ocean figured that he would need eleven of the sharpest knives in the heist drawer to pull off his caper. 

The tiny minds behind the January 6th Insurrection did not provide that kind of lineup. 

Starting with Paul Gosar, aka "The Goose," Representative from Arizona. He's the one who asserted in his questioning of FBI agent Peter Strzok in front of other adults, "You talk about bias. This morning I watched - and by the way, I am a dentist, OK, so I read body language very, very well. And I watched you comment on actions with Mister Gowdy. You got very angry in regards to the gold star father. That shows me that it is innately a part of you and a bias." Proving two things: Mister Gosar, "Goose" is probably just as good a dentist as he is a mind reader. Or planner of insurrection. 

Next up, Lauren Boebert, aka "The Bobo," Representative from Colorado. She's the one who called on Congress to "imeach" Joe Biden. Apparently she was so busy cleaning her guns that she never learned how to use spell-check.

Then there's Mo Brooks, aka "Mo the Lawn," Representative from Alabama. This person who actually serves on the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology. Here's his take on rising sea levels: “What about erosion? Every time you have that soil or rock, whatever it is, that is deposited into the seas, that forces the sea levels to rise because now you’ve got less space in those oceans because the bottom is moving up.” He said "bottom." Heh. Heh.

How about Madison Cawthorn, aka "The Prepster," Representative from North Carolina. He's the historian of the crew. Over the span of ten months, he wrongly said in a speech that James Madison signed the Declaration of Independence, wrongly said Congress voted to have Lincoln issue the Emancipation Proclamation, and now in another speech attributed a famous John Adams line to Jefferson. And to think they named an avenue in New York after him.

Up next, we've got Andy Biggs, aka "Mister Andy," Representative from Arizona. Wait, how stupid can one state be? Andy's the guy who holds the distinction of being one of only two members of Congress to vote against the COVID funding bill because he objected that the bill regarded “couples” in households should include same sex ones. Oh, and he got his start in politics after he won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. 

Which brings us to Louie Gohmert, aka "Gohmert Pyle," Representative from Texas. Not only is everything bigger in Texas, quite often it is dumber as well. Proof of this can be found in some of the treasure trove of stupidity offered up by this eight term congressdolt. Which gives him unique perspectives on, say, the Obama administration: "This administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America." Or his concern that a key pipeline up north "So when [caribou] want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline. So my real concern now [is] if oil stops running through the pipeline. Do we need a study to see how adversely the caribou would be affected if that warm oil ever quit flowing?"

And so this is the crew that helped put together the attack on the Capitol back in January? I suppose this makes some ugly sense, doesn't it? 

Sleep tight, America. Or better yet, vote. 

1 comment:

  1. Just proving one again that all candidates need to pass 10th grade science, and take the immigrant citizenship test for a basic understanding of 'Murca. (And ideally the JFK50 as well! https://www.kennedy50.org/about-2020)

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