De Nada

"Bringin' in another one."
"Okay. Let me get the camera ready."
"Stand here on the x...No no entiendes? Pararse en la x."
"Can you get him to lift his head up?"
"Levanta la cabeza."
"And turn a little to the left?"
"Doblar a la izquierda."
"Gracias, gracias. Okay -"
"What's the holdup now?"
"That guy looks familiar."
"Probably because we get the same fifty guys in here every month or so. Everybody's looking for a new life in the U.S.A."
"No. I haven't seen him in here before. Hey, cuál es tu nombre?"
"Eh?"
"They guy asked your name. You're gonna have to put it on the form in a minute anyway."
"Uh. Pedro."
"Pedro?"
"Si."
"No. I don't think - hey wait a second. I know where I've seen this guy."
"Yeah? Where."
"On the front page."
"Huh?"
"Of the newspaper."
"Really."
"This is none other than Andrés Manuel López Obrador. President of  Mexico."
"No. Really."
"Greetings, your honor, El Presidente." 
"Qué?"
"My friend here seems to think you're somebody special."
"No. No. No."
"Here. Take a look at the picture."
"Well, he does look a little more kept up than most of the folks we see in here."
"Come on. Same hair. Same nose."
"Okay, okay you guys. Keep it down. I just want to come across so I can apply for asylum."
"So you're really -"
"Yes. Or at least I was. Now I just want out."
"How come? If you don't mind my asking. It is kind of my job."
"I just don't want to talk to him anymore." 
"Him? Him who?"
"Your president. I haven't had a moment's peace since I took office. Blah blah border this. Blah blah drugs that. Tariffs. Threats of armed force. I just wanted to run my country. I didn't think I'd be getting calls and texts from this guy all the time."
"All the time?"
"Twenty or thirty a day. For months now. I need it to stop. I just want a simple life." 
"So you decided you would cross the border - illegally?"
"Okay, so maybe I wasn't thinking. Maybe I didn't have it all figured out. But I just want a quiet place where I can lie down and get a night's sleep."
"Well, it won't be the presidential suite..."
"Just promise me you won't tell anyone I'm here. And no phones."
"Sure. I think we can do that, can't we Ralph?"
"You bet we can, Sam. Right this way, Pedro."
"Muchas gracias por su ayuda."
"De nada."