Over Again

In his song "Hard Day On The Planet1," Loudon Wainwright III made the following suggestion about the end of the world as we know it:
You know, maybe that would be fine: we would be off the hook
We resolved all our problems, never mind what it took
And it all would be over, finito, the end
Until the survivors started up all over again

If you've been waiting for the end, maybe we won't have to hang around much longer. A Christian researcher named David Meade predicted that the Rapture would take place thirty-three days after the solar eclipse. I'll save you all the calendar math: that's this Saturday. 
I know. That gives you precious little time to get in all those bucket list items that you have been putting off and binge watching Game of Thrones instead, but that's how this deal works. This is the end, beautiful friend. B-dee b-dee b-dee, that's all folks. And so on. Mister Meade spent a lot of time and effort figuring this out, so the best we can do is get our accounts in order so when the roll is called up yonder, we'll be ready. Of course, if you were meaning to get the lawn mowed one last time, maybe the Good Lord will give you a miss on that one. Called on account of Apocalypse. 
And if Planet X, or Nibiru to the insiders, comes winging past in the next couple of days causing volcanic eruptions and tsunamis and the like, life as we know it will cease to be. That's what the numbers tell us. Or Meade, anyway. He's got it all figured out.
The rest of us, the ones who aren't sucked up into that bright light and whisked away to Paradise, are the ones who are going to be left behind to start all over again. But what a start it could be: A great portion of those nuisances will be sheared off the top in whatever cataclysm overtakes them. Survivors get to push that great big reset button and pick universal health care or dessert before salad or Netflix for everyone without a monthly fee.
And if it doesn't go down like Mister Meade suggests, then we're all going to have to get up again on Monday morning and face the first day of the rest of our lives. How depressing is that?