What Is It?

If it walks like a duck - 
If it quacks like a duck - 
If it lays eggs like a duck - 
If it swims like a duck - 
If it takes dictation like a duck - 
If it shops at Target like a duck - 
If it smokes clove cigarettes like a duck - 
If it watches old Doris Day movies like a duck - 
If it pays his monthly gym membership like a duck - 
If it reads the latest Tom Clancy novel like a duck - 
If it sweeps the driveway like a duck - 
If it plans a Star Wars themed birthday party like a duck - 
If it looks at a sunrise like a duck - 
If it summers on the coast of Maine like a duck - 
If it records a solo album like a duck - 
If it studies for midterms like a duck - 
If it sits out of dance class because of a twisted ankle like a duck - 
If it challenges the status quo like a duck - 
If it prepares for extra vehicular activity like a duck - 
If it checks the box like a duck - 
If it puts coasters down like a duck - 
If it picks you up at the airport like a duck - 
If it snores until you kick it like a duck - 
If it waits until the cookies cool before having one like a duck - 
If it generates steam heat like a duck - 
If it comparison shops for new carpet like a duck - 
If it changes its passwords frequently like a duck - 
If it drives for Uber and Lyft like a duck - 
If it sits quietly in a corner at the cotillion like a duck - 
If it avoids learning to drive stick like a duck - 
If it collects back issues of Sports Illustrated like a duck - 
If it makes a great Harvey Wallbanger like a duck - 
If it plays rhythm guitar like a duck - 
If it carries a chip on its shoulder like a duck - 
If it never misses an episode of NCIS like a duck - 
If it plants a window herb garden like a duck - 
If it ignores wet paint signs like a duck - 
If it clings to the past like a duck - 
If it climbs the highest mountain like a duck - 
If it grabs the spotlight like a duck - 
If it clips two-for-one coupons for Denny's like a duck - 
If it releases e-mails that prove that it has been in contact with Russians about some official documents and information that would incriminate Hillary and her dealings with Russia like a duck - 
It's probably a duck.
A junior duck, but a duck nonetheless.