Married With Children

There are times that I feel that my life is a sit-com missing the laugh track. Maybe they add it in post, but I don't hear the chuckles and guffaws as I make my way through each day. It reminds me of something Laurie Anderson once said about life would be more interesting if had better editors. I concur.
This lack of laugh track probably wouldn't hurt the reality show that is Trump's "Presidency." The first few months would have a regular feature: A shot of his royal Orangeness sitting on his throne, extra long tie dangling down between his knees. The door is open and the TV is blaring from the next room. It's Fox & Friends, and while the hosts banter gaily back and forth about making America great again, the Twitter in Chief is tapping away on his "smart phone." He mumbles, and every so often he blurts out something that sounds like "covfefe!"
At least that's how I imagine the scene before the wife moved back in. Downstairs in the kitchen in the wee hours of the night, looking for another slice of that most delicious chocolate cake. Walking in the hallways with his glass of warm milk, talking to the portraits hung on the wall. It would be a sad sight if not for the almost unimaginable hubris that clings to him like cheap cologne. Now that Melania has come to stay, all that comes to an end. All that bachelor pad, eating over the sink stuff has to stop. It's not too big a stretch with that accent to imagine a Green Acres reboot, right?
"New York is where I'd rather stay..."
And oh, how the hijinks will ensue.
That very special episode when Barron learns the true meaning of Ramadan.
The one where all the ex-wives show up and Melania gets a little tipsy before the big state dinner.
The First Family adopts a pet: a parrot that looks just like dad.
And the special guest stars: Scott Baio. Ted Nugent. Alex Jones.
Melania accidentally buys Malta on the Home Shopping Network.
Sweeps week will almost certainly be brightened by a two-part episode that includes articles of impeachment.
I can't wait to see the spinoff: Ficket Pences.