WHO Are You?

The World Health Organization released a report on Monday that linked processed meat to cancer. Well, that just figures, don't it? I have been holding out hope that as we approach the future promised by Woody Allen's Sleeper that we would be informed that all those things that we had been warned about like smoking and red meat being bad for us turned out to be good for us. Well, as Robert Zemeckis' baseball prognostications showed us that relying on movies for reliable predictions may not be the best practice. Unless you're betting with house money. Since this one involves my digestive tract, I guess I had better pay attention to the scientists.
Sigh.
That fun bunch at the WHO have classified processed meat in the same category as asbestos and smoking. They were quick to point out that while they are in the same category, they aren't necessarily dangerous in the same way. I suppose that this means I should probably cut out those smoked asbestos and bacon sandwiches for lunch, and lighting up a big roll of sliced salami after work would be discouraged as well.
Sigh.
I have said for many years that I don't want there to be any mystery about why I will eventually shuffle off this mortal coil. The pizza boxes and the cheeseburger wrappers littering my hospital room should be adequate clues. As I have been working this particular bit to limited praise and acceptance, my wife has been working diligently to diminish this eventual reality. We have instituted Meatless Mondays, much to the chagrin of my son and I, but it has raised awareness while lowering cholesterol levels. Magic, right?
Sigh.
As I have grown older, I have let go of many of the things of my youth. The drinking and drugs and the nightly TV dinners. That was a lifetime ago. I'm not built like that anymore. I know that at fifty-three I don't bounce back as quickly, and I recognize that eating an entire Big Mac in one bite is a trick best left for those who are not subject to routine colonoscopies. Kale is a superfood, I am told, but I don't think they mean the taste.
Sigh.
I know the World Health Organization only wants the best for us, but it would be great if one of these days they made an announcement like, "We've been looking into Hostess products lately and it seems as though your best bet to live a long life is to eat as many frozen Ho-Ho's as you can in a day." I just hope I live long enough to hear that announcement.
Sigh.