Above The Law

When I worked at a video store, just for guilty pleasure's sake, I took a look at "Above The Law." I had heard that this new action star, Steven Seagal was the real deal, as he was the first foreigner to ever operate his own dojo in Japan. He was the Karate Guy. He was also rumored to have once been a bodyguard, and a CIA agent, and the second coming of Bruce Lee. At least that's what his initial flurry of publicity wanted him to be. I just wanted him to knock the bad guys silly and have a few terse one-liners. I wasn't paying for it, after all.
For fifteen years, Steve and his intermittent ponytail made action films that eventually landed him on the straight to video circuit. And all the while, he kept that furrow in his brow and a sense of justice that made him an obvious candidate for Reserve Deputy Chief in the Jefferson Parish, Louisiana Sheriff's Office. If this particular rank seems obscure, just think of Dwight Schrute's title: Assistant to the Regional Manager. Mister Seagal was supposed to have been certified by the Los Angeles Peace Officer Standards & Training, an organization that accredits California police officers. However, POST officials in California and Louisiana have no record of Seagal being certified, and his rank in Louisiana is ceremonial.
All the more reason why this veteran action star and wannabe cop would sign on to help Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio  to train posses of volunteers to deal with school shooters. As we have already established, Reserve Deputy Chief Seagal is Above The Law. That's why it should come as absolutely no surprise that in a recent interview, Steven and his ponytail called Russia's Vladamir Putin "one of the great living world leaders," adding that he "would like to consider him as a brother."
These two men's men bonded in part over their mutual love for martial arts. Seagal is helping Putin promote what's been described as a "Soviet-style" fitness initiative in Russia called "Ready for Labor and Defense.” In the interview, Seagal said that it's possible he may "sometime" apply for Russian citizenship. 
This comes as good news for karate students in Russia, but bad news for those of you waiting on another installment in the Jonathan Cold saga. And maybe it's a mixed bag for the folks in Arizona: He might not be running for governor of the Grand Canyon state, but he might just ask his buddy Vlad to send some tanks over and annex it, Soviet Style, alongside Chief of Propaganda and Basketball Dennis Rodman. Czar of Arizona beats the heck out of Reserve Deputy Chief. Or "aging action star."