Dreaming Of A White Christmas

In case you missed it, Santa Claus is white. Megyn Kelly says so. Specifically: "And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person is maybe just arguing that we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we're just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids.” Somewhere in there is this kind impulse, shielding our kids from any ugly rumors or questions to the contrary. It is what it is, and what it is is white. Then she added, “Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change. You know, I mean, Jesus was a white man, too,” Kelly said. “He was a historical figure; that's a verifiable fact — as is Santa, I want you kids watching to know that — but my point is: How do you revise it, in the middle of the legacy of the story, and change Santa from white to black?” Okay kids, are we all clear on that? It's a verifiable fact. You know because you heard it on Fox News.
I really did think that we all might get away without a lot of silly fuss and hollering about this one, but it seems that the race and creed of our sacred mythological characters seems to be a tipping point as the War On Christmas rages on. To tell you the truth, Megyn, I understand how you feel. I remember how I felt when I heard that they were going to make The Green Lantern a black guy. And is it any kind of coincidence that his name was John Stewart? Doesn't everyone know that The Green Lantern was a white guy named Hal Jordan, who just happened to look a lot like Ryan Reynolds? And don't get me started about Spider Man. Spidey is a white nerd whose secret identity is Peter Parker, not some bi-racial kid named Miles Morales. And to top all this off, they want to make both of them gay. Of course, when I say "they," I mean everyone and anyone who sees the world differently than me.
And that's when it starts to sound like crazy talk. Sure, you can trace Santa back to Saint Nicholas who was probably a white guy, but Santa Claus is a fictional character. I would like to believe that Sherlock Holmes was really Basil Rathbone, but I'm betting that I would get a lot of blowback on that one from fans of "Elementary." And wasn't Doctor Watson a dude?
All of this comes as a response to an op-ed piece on The Slate, written by Aisha Jones. It wasn't news. It was opinion. Ms. Kelly clearly missed that part of the fourth grade where we learn to separate fact an opinion. As for the heritage of our Lord, Jesus Christ, well let's just say that opinions vary.