Welcome Home*

Dear Mom,
I recently read that parents are three times more likely to welcome their adult sons home than daughters. The study showed that returning sons or "boomerang boys" are considered more obliging house guests than their sisters and that they easily wrap their mothers around their little fingers. I suspect that these mothers are unfamiliar with the Plum Jelly Gambit.
Many years ago, through no fault of my own, I found myself in need of a place to stay while I rehabilitated after knee surgery. Okay, there was some fault on my part. I probably should have stayed in the swing rather than jumping out into the cool night air. I probably should have considered the relative height of my leap as a function of my age at the time, which was over eighteen. I should have also inquired about the status of my health insurance. All of these factors lead to a prolonged stay in the comfort of my mother's basement.
After a few weeks of literally waiting on me hand and foot, I finally managed to hobble up the stairs to mom's kitchen one morning for breakfast. There was juice there was toast. There was sun streaming in the window. I felt welcome. I felt at home. I looked over the table and after a moment, I asked my mother "Do we have any grape jelly?"
"No," she replied from in front of the sink, "but we have plum jelly."
"No grape?"
"Have you ever tried plum jelly?"
This question seemed, at my advanced age of twenty-something, to be just a little condescending. "Whether I've tried plum jelly or not shouldn't be the issue. I wanted to know if you had any grape jelly."
And that's how we figured out that I was all better and it was time for me to strike out on my own once again.
So, dear mother of three sons, I suggest you market this strategy and maybe consider a marketing campaign that might even include your own line of plum preserves. I know now that if I want to come for a visit, I should bring my own jelly.