Friends Indeed

As my son continues to dance along the edge of qualifying for the girlfriend sweepstakes, in that he has to actually ask a girl to go out on a date first, I brace for the inevitable and excruciating interactions that are sure to follow. Up until now, his relationships have been primarily of his parents' construct. We picked his first friends based on the group of incipient parents with whom we shared a birth class. After that, it was simple enough to link him to any of our friends who happened to have kids approximately the same age. His best friend, the one he's been pals with for more than a decade, was socially engineered out of a practical need to find a way to share childcare expenses with another family.
This is not to say that he does not have a profound and impressive connection with his buddy. On the contrary, the life that they have shared since they were first strapped into car seats next to one another for the long drive up to the little farm where they spent the afternoons together has given them a bond like few I have seen. They consider themselves twin brothers of different mothers. That is why there was a collective parental flinch when this friend got his first girlfriend.
Part of being a teenager is becoming more private, and the selection of your first paramour is surely the most significant of that experience. Parents, as the Fresh Prince tells us, just don't understand. Maybe that's because we have forgotten the magic and fear that comes with those first vague dances of courtship. Holding hands, finding out that cooties aren't so bad after all, and never once admitting that you once thought that girls were evil. I am sure there are thirteen year old boys who regularly sit down and discuss their personal affairs with their parents, but I am not acquainted with them. I am much more familiar with the twisting and cajoling nature of all such inquiries: "How's it going with girl X?" "Have you thought about asking girl X to a movie with your friends?" "Any progress with girl X?" All of which are met with a polite but rather firm, "I'd rather not talk about it right now."
We have watched my son's friend navigate the stormy seas of trying to balance this new relationship with his friends and family. Too many cell phone minutes. Too many hours spent swooning and gushing instead of studying. Too many days away from the life that used to be. My son, for his part, has been nothing but supportive of his buddy. He has rolled his eyes from time to time when his friend was unavailable because he was composing a very important text, but he is obviously taking careful note. It could happen to him at any moment. We're doing the same thing with his parents. We know that when our son falls, it will be hard. There is not much in this life that he does tentatively. Once he makes his choice, it will be full speed ahead. But first I think he'd rather watch from a safe distance for a while, and so will we.