To Russia, With Love

Look out Moscow, here comes Tony Hayward. He will be getting his life back in your hemisphere, so start preparing the caviar and yacht sloops. You have until October to get everything ready. I might suggest "Tony-proofing" your country's infrastructure, and if there are any leaky faucets around, get them fixed before he arrives since there's really no way of knowing how or when he might get around to shutting them down if left to his own devices. Also, if you've got any offshore oil rigs that might be on the verge of spewing millions of gallons of oil into large bodies of water, you might put up some "Tony Tape" just to be sure.
What I can't figure out is how this guy gets a new job so quickly. Across the globe there are countless numbers of people searching for employment, and many of those have never overseen the one of the worst ecological disasters in history. Some of them would probably even work for less than Mister Hayward. By powers of ten. And yet, when the leaves start to turn, this paragon of executiveness will be welcomed into a brand new position with salary and perks commensurate with a one-time ruler of the universe.
Part of me wants to believe that this is no lateral move. It should be a step down. Like when they used to talk about shipping Commandant Klink off to the Russian Front when things at Stalag Thirteen weren't going so well. There are plenty of CEO's who have lost billions for their companies and managed to hold on to their jobs. Not many of them have the visible mess left in the wake of our boy Tony's departure, but Rupert Murdoch's mess is on display every day, twenty-four/seven. While the contents of Fox News are considered by many to be toxic, as yet no beaches have been closed because of it.
And so as the sun sets slowly in the Gulf of Mexico, I hesitate to say "goodbye" to Tony Hayward, as his kind seem to have a way of popping back up when we least expect it. Instead I will say "das vidania," and don't hesitate to give us a call when he gets settled. Just as soon as he gets his key to the executive tyanet, and be careful not to make a mess in there.