What Are You Looking At?

Okay, raise your hands if you can still watch TV. Let's see: one, two, three, four, okay, more than four of you, so that will be my scientific sample that says that "most of you" have made the jump to the digital age without a great deal of pain and discomfort. Congratulations to you. And to that guy in the back who was slow on the uptick and waited to get his converter box because he thought this whole thing was just a fad, my apologies.
It reminds me of the scene in "Diner" where a customer complains to Shrevie about the new TV he is being shown, "Is this show in color, or is there something wrong with the set?" There is nothing wrong with your set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture.We are in control of the transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will turn up the volume. If we want it softer, we will turn it down. We control the horizontal and the vertical. We can alter the focus, to sharpen or distort the picture. From now on, we will control all that you see and hear. Believe me, there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to take an adventure. You are about to experience the awe which is associated with a journey to - Digital Television.
There may be those of you who are still skeptical. The ones who believe that the government is seeking to control our thoughts and impulses with their hypnotic siren's song. Paranoia could lead one to believe that a digital signal will allow more direct and focused access to our cerebral cortex. Why are Russia and China lagging behind us on the big switch? Do we know something they don't? Maybe they're just saying that they're going to convert, and once we're all sitting in front of our idiot boxes drooling, that's when they'll strike. Probably while we're watching "Red Dawn." In high definition.