Plant Food For Thought

Today I received an e-mail announcing "Patch Perfect is like grass seeds on steroids." This made me wonder: What impact will this have on the future health of my lawn? Will my lawn be more susceptible to high blood pressure and heart disease? What about severe acne, especially on the front and back? And then of course, there's impotence. It gives you pause.
Then there's the enduring legacy of my yard. Oh sure, the immediate benefits would be amazing. It's a pretty sure bet that it would lead the neighborhood in just about all statistical categories: Green, Lush, Weed-Free. Given the poor performance of my lawn over the past few seasons, the temptation is enormous. To be able to walk outside and see a world-class lawn and know that it was as simple as getting that extra little juice, It's hard not to rationalize just a little bit. Isn't that what grass is supposed to do anyway? Why not have the thickest, best, most aggressive patch of grass in the city? Get our picture on the front of the Home and Garden section, and live the dream, if only for a moment.
But all glory is fleeting. Eventually people would talk. All of those accolades and awards would be tainted. I doubt that they would let us into the Turf Hall Of Fame once our little secret was out. And the side-effects would catch up to my lawn. Its career would be cut short. Soon we would have to start replacing sections with drought-resistant landscaping, or even decorative rock. I would be left with a little tuft of grass that I could sit on in my lawn chair and together we could sit around talking about the glory days, but it would be a lie.
No. It's raining outside right now, and I can see the bare spots and the varying shades of green. I know where the weeds are, and I kid myself that while the earth is wet that I will get out there and manage them. Just like I did last year. I may not have the best looking lawn in the county, but it's honest. And it doesn't' take steroids.