Barack Obama wants to stimulate the economy by rebuilding our infrastructure. The stimulus package contains billions of dollars to spend on our highways and interstates, but I think it would be great if he would earmark just a few bucks to control the zombies.
In truth, now that Dick "Dick" Cheney has slithered off into the mist, we Americans have little to fear when it comes to the undead. Such is not the case with practical jokers. Pranksters in several different states are re-jiggering electronic road signs, alerting drivers of potential hazards: "DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES," "RAPTORS AHEAD — CAUTION," and the delightful hybrid "NAZI ZOMBIES! RUN!!!" Even in Illinois, these were not the problems that the signs were meant to point out. Not everyone was amused. "We understood it was a hoax, but at the same time those boards are there for a reason," said Joe Gasaway, an Illinois Department of Transportation supervisory field engineer. "We don't want people being distracted by a funny sign." I assume he means the same way that I was just distracted by his silly last name.
But isn't this kind of thing really a boon to the average commuter? If you drive the thirty miles of gray asphalt every day to and from your job, wouldn't it be nice to have a story to tell about how you narrowly avoided being torn to bits by prehistoric creatures, or maybe fled the scene of the latest George Romero opus? For the average motorists, those blinking signs just mean more bad news of the inconvenient type. What a happy gift it would be to see something clever on the side of the road.
Like mom said, "It's always funny until someone gets hurt," and so far it's still pretty funny.
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