The Word Is The Bird

The words I think of first are not my own. They belong to John Hughes, via Judd Nelson: "Obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl." Then I think of the song: "Surfin' Bird." Then I realize that I have too many pop culture references in my head at times to be a completely effective parent. At the dinner table the other night, I found out that my son had flipped off one of his classmates. And thus the accounting exercise began.
When did this digit get raised, and why? Where did the incident occur? What was the immediate reaction, and will there be further repercussions? What was the relative size differential between the offender and the offended? What are the chances of this happening again? The math was hard, but the problem was simple enough. I spend enough hours each month telling kids that raising one's middle finger is bad form at the very least.
As an historical aside, I confess that it was sometime during my own sixth grade year that I honed my own bird. I weaved a pencil between my fingers to get just the right curl on the ring and forefinger, keeping that middle straight and tall. Most of these experiments took place out of sight of easily offended eyes. But it wasn't until I got my driver's license that I started to flip the bird with anything resembling abandon. Of course, even then I was generally performing for an audience of one. The middle finger has always been more of a personal release than an expression. I've always been more of fan of words than gestures anyway.
Which brings me back to my son. I asked him if he knew what the meaning of his gesture was. After a moment of embarrassed agitation, he assured me that he did. I asked him if he had considered the possible consequences of his act might have been. He told me that he regretted his actions, but he felt that it was the only way he could defend his family's honor. "He was talking about my parents."
Then I understood. He's in middle school, and he was responding in kind. It is what boys do, after all. I just didn't expect it would be my boy and so emphatic. I asked him if he felt that he had solved anything. He shook his head. Now that he's had the third degree from his dad, I suspect that he will, like his father, keep his middle finger to himself.