What's The Matter?

What are you doing this Wednesday? Maybe a trip to the grocery store? Seems like you're always running out of milk in the middle of the week. And apples. Don't you need a few more apples for lunch for the rest of the week? Well, maybe just this one time, wait until Thursday before you get yourself too committed to a refrigerator full of food. You might not need any food come Thursday. You might not need much of anything come Thursday.
Why? Because the most powerful atom-smasher ever built comes online Wednesday. The multibillion-dollar Large Hadron Collider, located in Geneva, will explore the tiniest particles and come ever closer to re-enacting the big bang. "Bravo," you say, "but what does that have to do with me and need for groceries? Frightened skeptics have filed suit in U.S. District Court in Hawaii and in the European Court of Human Rights to stop the project. Could the collider create mini-black holes that last long enough and get big enough to turn into a matter-sucking maelstrom? Straight-faced and serious minded scientist types are quick to dispel such concerns, though it doesn't keep them from making a rap video about all the giddy good fun they're going to have smashing atoms. By contrast, there are plenty of scary conspiracy theories that make connections to Nostradamus and the Bible, but they don't have much of a beat, and they're not easy to dance to.
Still, the best thing might be to stick close to home on Wednesday, just in case a hole is torn in the fabric of the universe. That kind of thing plays havoc with your morning commute.