Stupid Human Tricks

My mother used to call it "tormenting the dog." Here at our house, we call it "practical jokes on lower life forms." I can't speak to the motivations of cat owners, but I know that most dog people take a certain measure of reassurance in knowing that they are smarter than their pet. Back in the olden days, when I lived with a dachshund who periodically seemed to control much more of our family's activities than always seemed appropriate, I looked for ways to level the household karma.
Like most dogs, Rupert was a food slut. There wasn't much that he wouldn't put himself through for a Milk Bone or a pizza crust. Knowing this gave me an absurd amount of leverage. Many was the time that I would hold my hand out, fingers pinched together just above his upturned nose. "Wanna treat?" I asked in my cheerful-reward voice. There was no treat there, but Rupert would prop himself up on his back legs and look at me expectantly. Then I would lower my hand down to his mouth where he would lick and nibble frantically for a moment or two before the realization would hit him: "There is no treat there." Do I feel bad about this? A little.
Another game we used to play around our house was "Bet You Can't Catch Me." Because of Rupert's very aerodynamic and low to the ground build, the answer was usually "no." If he made it out the front door, there was a minimum of half an hour's chase around the field at the end of our street before he had enough fun to head on home. After several years of this ridiculous pursuit, it occurred to us that there was another tragic flaw that we could exploit: The Car. Instead of giving chase, we would walk to the driveway and open the hatch of my mom's VW squareback. Rupert would slam on the brakes, and dive headlong into the car bounding over the seats until he reached his favorite spot - shotgun.
Now that he's gone, I sometimes wish I had played it more straight down the middle with Rupert. But he gave as good as he got - eating our plastic army men or leaving a mess where only a bare foot could find it. These days I have a dog who will always bark for the doorbell - even when she is watching me ring it. She's also the one who takes off like a shot for the back yard every single time I ask her, "Wanna go get the cat?" Cruel? Maybe, but I know who buys the kibble.