Power of the Press Secretary

The Tony Snow era is set to begin. Just when you thought things couldn't get anymore baroque, President Pinhead goes and hires himself a talking head from Fox News to serve as White House Press Secretary. First of all, it seems odd that any working journalist would allow themselves to become the latest in a series of whipping boys for the press. What could anyone possibly do in this job presently but cower behind the podium?
Upon further review, it seems that going straight to the source - or "spin central" (despite Bill O'Reilly's claims to the contrary) - that the news delivered from the White House will come to us in easily digested, pre-dismissed bites. Mr. Snow was given a clean bill of health by his oncologist Tuesday, providing him that vital link with the medical miracle that is Dick "Dick" Cheney. Now he will be free to roam the halls of power, wrapping information in delicate terms and phrasing them just so. Leaving his present spot as host of "The Tony Snow Show" (where do they come up with these catchy titles?) he expects to be leading a more difficult life, full of challenges and disappointments, and "a massive cut" in salary. He told Bill O'Reilly (how did he get that interview?) "There's no guarantee after you get out of the White House whether there's any landing place." If recent history is any measure, one might guess that the bigger mess he makes of things, the more he'll be rewarded.
Interestingly, there are a number of "hanging chads" left in Tony's closet - specifically his concerns about his future boss' domestic policy, which he has referred to as "listless." In another column, the new Press Secretary suggests, "The newly passive George Bush has become something of an embarrassment," and Republicans "wish he would stop cowering under the bed and start fighting back against the likes of Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Joe Wilson."
Hmmm, wouldn't it be refreshing if this was the kind of news we were going to get on a regular basis? "Secretary Snow, has the President had any further thoughts about a staged troop withdrawal from Iraq?"
"Well, I wish that he would stop trimming brush in Crawford long enough to check his poll numbers, but you know how he can be."
That would be some kind of press. But don't count on it.