Crisis Management

 Okay, let's start with some simple math: Gas is expensive. If you buy gas for your car for a bunch of money, you won't have enough money to buy things like video games and food. 

Everybody with me so far?

Let's try something a little harder: In 2026, U.S. oil companies are enjoying record profits. Some of them have experienced thirty million dollars profit hourly. Please note that last adverb. Hourly. If you don't have a calculator on you or have never accessed that particular app on your device, I will tell you that this means some of these companies have had days when they made three quarters of a billion dollars. In. A. Day. That's not all of them combined together. That's just one, like Chevron. Or Exxon/Mobil. It is a wonder that they continue to find places to shove those wads of cash. 

But volume is more of a geometry problem, isn't it?

So let's hop on over to the way back machine to a movie that made Michael Keaton a star. Did you ever see Mr. Mom? Not to burden you with a lot of plot details, but Mike loses his job and his wife has to go out and get a job. She lands a pretty keen gig with an advertising agency. It is her idea to start up an ad campaign for a tuna company that recognizes the struggles of a family during a recession. She suggests that the tuna company, Schooner Tuna, put the company's president in front of the camera to announce that they are lowering the price of their cans of tuna by fifty cents a can until the economic crisis is over. It's a masterstroke, and eventually Mike gets his job back and she can tell her lech of a boss to take a hike. As the economic crisis passes by. 

All that's left is for some whip-smart creative type to whip up a script for the CEO of one of these great oil beasts that promises to lower the price of gasoline fifty cents a gallon "until this crisis is over." 

"My fellow Americans. I'm Michael K. Worth, CEO of Chevron Corporation. All of us here at Chevron sympathize with those of you hit so hard by these trying economic times. In order to help you, we are reducing the price of our gasoline by fifty cents a gallon. When this crisis is over, we will go back to our regular prices. Until then, remember, we're all in this together. Chevron, the Oil Beast with a heart."

By my reckoning, the brand loyalty associated with this move will more than offset any and all corporate losses accrued in the interim. Trust me. I'm a blogger.