Bloated Sack Of Protoplasm Says What?

 In answer to the musical question, "How could it have been worse?" comes the refrain from the former game show host and twice impeached "president's" advisors. Former Defense Secretary Mark Esper spent much of his last year in the Oval Office "swatting down" crazy ideas from his boss. Says the former secretary: “It’s important to our country, it’s important to the republic, the American people, that they understand what was going on in this very consequential period. The last year of the Trump administration. And to tell the story about things we prevented. Really bad things. Dangerous things that could have taken the country in a dark direction.”

A dark direction? Darker than the direction we were all dragged in 2019? How about military action against Venezuela, strikes in Iran and a potential blockade of Cuba? In Esper's new book, he writes that he had to press President Trump to send aid to Ukraine, and also walked the president back from ideas such as shooting protesters and missile strikes in Mexico. Secretary Esper, who was fired by number 45 just after the 2020 election, insists that his former boss suggested shooting Black Lives Matter protesters in the wake of protests about the murder of George Floyd. “Can’t you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something?” This coming from a guy who once bragged that “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters." 

When he insisted that the U.S. could launch missile strikes against drug labs in Mexico, he assured those around him that "No one would know it was us," and if somebody were to point a finger, he would deny it strenuously. 

Speaking of denying things strenuously, his bloated orangeness has denied all of these accusations, insisting that Esper was "weak and ineffective, and because of it, I had to run the military." He goes on to highlight his many accomplishments to that end, including the creation of Space Force, which was cancelled after two seasons on Netflix. 

You may be wondering why, since it's been two years since Trump's reign of indistinct terror has ended, why all of this should matter. Well, dear readers, it's important because he wants his old job back. Not the one where he tells Dee Snider he's fired, but the one where he attempts to fire missiles at our neighbors south of the border. 

A new season of Celebrity Apprentice would be a calamity, but it wouldn't be Armageddon. Stay tuned.