Impossible

I can remember those nights, coming home from a closing shift at Arby's, wanting to collapse in a heap once I made it inside the door. Instead, I made a point of taking a shower and attempting to scrub off the initial layer of grease that hung over me like a shroud. My brown polyester pants and vest had been left behind, draped over a hanger in the "employee lounge" where everyone else's uniform awaited another day of slinging America's Roast Beef, Yes Sir! That initial hosing down was enough to feel human enough to feel one notch closer to human rather than some fast food homo sapiens hybrid. I drifted off knowing that it would not be until I had two days off in a row that I would be able to feel the sensation of the wind touching my skin. It would take that long to shed the film of tallow in which I was encased.
I bring you this memory, in part, to test your gag reflex. And to introduce the lawsuit being brought by a Florida man who also happens to be a vegan. It is his assertion that Burger King's Impossible Whopper is not a vegan alternative because the plant-based patties which form the core of the sandwich are cooked on the same grill as meat products.
Well, duh. It's Burger King. He must have been looking for his local Vegan King franchise. Was he really expecting that the home of char-broiled meaty treats was going to break out a special surface upon which those Impossible burgers would be charred? I don't believe this gentleman spent any quality time in the "kitchen" of a fast food restaurant.
I offer as a second vision into the minds of the fast food mind this memory: Bob and Cowboy, our franchise owners, were in the back room testing the new french fry packaging. They filled the small paper envelope, then the large paper cup and set each one separately on the scale. Delighted by the result, they discovered that the large and small portions weighed within a gram of one another. Customers were paying an extra fifty cents for the cup.
Don't get me wrong. I'm excited by the idea that someday I will be able to order a drive-thru burger that will help me save the planet in my hybrid car, but I don't imagine this will be happening anytime soon. Or at all. This is a marketing ploy.
Oh. Sorry. Did you think the change from "veggie burger" to "Impossible Burger" was an accident? Which one would you rather wash down with a large Diet Coke? And a large order of fries. That will take at least a couple of days to wash off.