Friday, December 04, 2015

Morning Lite

Do I resent getting to see another sunrise? No. I'm pretty used to watching the day begin around me as I bike my way to work. Some days are easier than others to take. I am a lite sleeper, meaning that I get about a third less sleep than our regular human, but it still tastes great. For me, waking up to an alarm is very much the exception rather than the rule. I tend to lay in bed, winding up for the next thing, awaiting whatever seems like a reasonable time for me to toss off the covers and move into a house that is generally as dark and cold as I left it when I closed my eyes on the other side of the night that is now over.
Do I resent getting up to face the day? No. It fits in too well with my vaguely persistent Protestant Work Ethic. We vaguely persistent Protestants are famous for our work ethic. I get up and out of bed with a solid sense of where I am going next: To Work. This is generally true of my days off as well. Each day has a purpose, and even if I am not the first one up, I am aware of what is going on around me: another day has begun and I want to be part of it.
Do I resent being part of each new day? Sometimes. This call of duty, not to be confused with the best selling video game that has less to do with responsibility than carnage, has plagued me off and on throughout my life. It is the part of me that hears the ticking of the clock and anticipates the heater coming on. If there is such a thing as being over-prepared, I am the poster boy for it. Fifteen minutes early is my "on time." Since I was a kid, I have looked for ways to streamline my morning process to provide me with the most available time to sit and wait for those around me to trickle in, as I seethe with totally unfair resentment. Totally unfair. I know it and I still purse my lips and roll my eyes. I need to lighten up.
Do I resent needing to lighten up? Sure I do. Wouldn't everything be great if I were the one who showed up late and everyone else would have to wait on me? No. It would probably cause me to burst into flame and melt into a pile of messy sludge for someone else to have to clean up. Also unacceptable. So I keep on keeping on. I keep this rationalization in the front of my mind so that I can "keep it real." I know that sleeping through my alarm is not one of my skills, and the three times I can remember doing it in my life are the exceptions that prove the rule. I don't resent the morning. It is what it is. It's a chance to see another sunrise.

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