Package Deal

Here is how I know that packaging is evil: When I worked for Arby's, way back in the previous century, our franchise was run by a pair of guys named "Mike and Cowboy". I am not making these names up. I never learned to distinguish one from the other, since they rarely appeared separately, and they didn't hang out much on the late night shifts that I ended up managing. What I do know for sure was the apocryphal tale about Mike and Cowboy on the first day that one of their restaurants started serving fries. They were in the back room with a scale, and when they weighed a small order of fries and found out that it weighed exactly the same as a large order of fries, according to our district manager, they both began to do a little dance.
Americans will always pay more for a pretty package, even if the cruddy wax paper bag weighs exactly the same as the flashy cardboard carton. My good friend and confidante from the great state of New Jersey used to buy most of his beer based on how cool the bottle looked. We drank a great many bottles of some imported swill that came in a white porcelain bottle. The connection to urinals was just a little too strong for me. I also remember the glee that we all shared when Miller began selling their beer in cases with handles on them. This enabled us to carry them sideways, with one hand. We called them "Briefcase Full Of Booze." It was all too soon a matter for recycling anyway, but it was enough to get us out of the store, giddy with our purchases.
This trend may have begun when I was a small boy, regularly treated to all the best new treats that the grocery store at which my aunt worked had to offer. There was Goober 'n' Grape: Peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. It came in a glass jar so that you could see the contents all swirled together in all their brown and purple glory. Clanky chocolate syrup came in a robot shaped squeeze bottle. That most certainly beat Hershey's dumb old steel can. I learned from my mother the practical concerns of buying based on value, but I was still regularly victimized by anything "new" or "improved". Gel toothpaste, toothpaste that sparkled, toothpaste with stripes, toothpaste with mouthwash built right in all seemed like such magnificent innovations that we would be poorer for not having at least trying them, especially when they came in a revolutionary new pump!
Now that I am the master of my own household, and I am asked, periodically, for my input on purchases made for our little family, I try to keep my responses on the practical side. The "refrigerator-friendly" twelve pack of Coca-Cola was something I couldn't pass up, and my son and I both favor any sort of flavor-added potato chip to those plain old fried spuds any day. We buy a lot of bulk foods, and my wife helps keep us in line when it comes to the creeping evil that is packaging. But every so often, when she has a weak moment, or when no one responsible is looking, I'll sneak a little Blastin' Green Heinz Ketchup into our basket. Just for fun.