I'll Take That "To Go"

President Pinhead, still voicing concern about special project spending by Congress, signed a five hundred fifty-five billion dollar bill Wednesday that funds the Iraq war well into 2008 and keeps government agencies running through next September. But in an even bolder move, he announced a new government program he called "The Special Sandwich Initiative". Under the auspices of a newly formed agency, all American citizens will be provided with one sandwich each day, excluding federal holidays.
This announcement was met with the attendant confusion and furor one might expect, as Congress asked for clarification on several key points: Will these sandwiches be made to order, or will they be pre-packaged? If a citizen prefers a nice wrap or an open-faced sandwich, will there be a way to compensate for these variances? Do chips come with that?
Pinhead said, through a mouthful of sourdough roll and smoked turkey, "Hey, we're spending two hundred and seventy million dollars a day on this thing in Iraq, why not spread the wealth?" Wiping him mouth on a napkin hastily provided by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, he continued, "Hey, I'm the President, right? Since federal anti-trust regulations prohibit me from buying the world a Coke, I will buy my country a sandwich. There is still more to be done to rein in government spending. In February I will submit my budget proposal for fiscal year 2009, which will once again restrain spending, keep taxes low, and continue us on a path towards a balanced budget. I look forward to working with the Congress in the coming year to ensure taxpayer dollars are spent wisely, and make sure if they don't want to have mayo, they can get that spicy brown mustard instead."