Back in the days that I used to run a video store, I knew that I had a problem. I had the long shift in the day, by myself, and sometimes I was stuck there without sustenance - or any sort of tasty treats. When my older brother dropped by, I saw my opening. He asked if he could bring me anything from the Food Mart across the parking lot. "A Coke," I said, then added quickly, "and anything else that looks excessively chocolaty."
When I wrote about breakfast cereals, I callously glossed over my fixation on chocolate. Count Chocula was only the tip of the big brown iceberg. Cocoa Krispies were a boon to me because they made the milk in your bowl turn into chocolate milk. If you had two bowls full in the same milk, you got twice as much chocolate goodness. It was important to follow a timetable to make certain that the cereal itself did not become too limp while still maximizing the cocoa dispersal. It's a science, after all. Cocoa Puffs, on the other hand, never fully delivered on the chocolate milk, perhaps because they were encased in glistening hard sugary coated shells. Both of these cereals were extremely nasty when completely soggy, but the milky syrup they left behind made it all worthwhile.
Back at the video store, my older brother returned with a large bottle of Coke, and a Chocodile. For those of you who have spent your lives eschewing such pleasures, a Chocodile is a chocolate covered Twinkie. While I confess I was never a big fan of Twinkies, the waxy chocolate covering made all the difference in the world. As I sat behind the counter, appreciating my brother's kindness, I could swear that I could hear my dentist's soul being torn apart - kind of an end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" kind of thing.
Now that I'm grown up, I don't keep that kind of thing in the house. Or at least, when I bring it into the house, it doesn't last long. I have discovered that frozen Ho-Hos are infinitely superior to their room temperature brethren, and I no longer name the animal that is the mascot for Cocoa Krispies. These kind of epicurean experiences are generally limited to special occasions. I have eaten a Ho-Ho dipped in cheese fondue, and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs floating in Coca Cola. As a semi-professional stunt eater, I can let you in on a little secret. To paraphrase "The Graduate": Chocolate.