Pinheads We Have Heard On High

Here comes the big relief: The biggest pinhead of all may not be in the White House after all. Most likely that distinction belongs to the guy who has a show on Fox "News" (Motto: We Decide, You Tolerate). I'm talking about, of course, Bill "I Never Met A Man I Couldn't Belittle" O'Reilly. What's stuck in Bill's rather substantial craw this week? Christmas - or the lack of it in our great nation.
"Over Thanksgiving, I was down in the Bahamas, which is a Christian country. And lots of folks were asking me about the Christmas controversy here in the USA. They just couldn't understand it. Everybody says Merry Christmas in the Bahamas. Ten years ago, almost everybody said Merry Christmas in America, but now that's changed. It is happy holiday time. Christmas is a forbidden word to some." First of all, kudos for Bill for getting out to spread a little of his hard-earned cash in another Christian country. God knows I think Christianity when I think "Bahamas." Like, "Oh Christ, I wish I hadn't had so much to drink," or "Jesus, that's a lot to spend on a Mai Tai."
No matter - Bill wants us to know that the ACLU and the media have almost "succeeded in convincing some Americans that the words Merry Christmas are inappropriate while celebrating the national holiday of Christmas!" Shame on you, media and civil libertarians! "The defamation pipeline that has been cleverly devised will collapse. If Christmas in America can be marginalized, any tradition can be — including marriage and the way you raise your kids. This is what the culture war is all about."
Let's see - we're losing the war on terrorism, the war on drugs, and now the culture war is fast at hand. Gads - pardon me - Dear God in Heaven, what must we do to save our children? First of all, make sure they are Christians, that's a start. Next we better make darn sure that any greeting between right thinking Americans between the dates ofNovemberr 25 and January 2 had by Christ better include the words "Merry Christmas!" If we don't, then the terrorists win. And that will really mess up retail sales for the fiscal year, won't it?