Keepin' It Real

Tyra Banks underwent a televised sonogram on her new talk show to prove that her breasts aren't fake. Well, thank God. Now I'll be able to sleep at night. See, here's the deal: It had not occurred to me to question the veracity of Tyra Banks' mammaries. It was a point that I was willing to concede if it came up at all. If the idea was to bring us reality via our televisions, then it was unnecessary.
Consider all the reality that has been pouring into our living rooms for the past few weeks: Hurricane Katrina, bombings in London, the continuing lingering remnants of insurgency in Iraq. And now Tyra Banks' boobs. I blame Phil Donahue. Back in the late 1960's, Phil hit the air with a new kind of talk show - not just celebrities sharing their fabulous lives and plugging their upcoming movie of the week. The first guest on The Phil Donahue Show was Madalyn O'Hair, an atheist who felt that religion "breeds dependence" and who was ready to mount a campaign to ban prayer in public schools. During that same week in November 1967 the show featured footage of a woman giving birth, a phone-in vote on the morality of an anatomically correct male doll, and a funeral director extolling the workings of his craft. It was from these seeds that Maury, Montel, and her royal highness, Oprah sprang forth.
Oprah made it safe for us to discuss all manner of personal concerns on daytime TV. That she once ate a package of hot-dog buns drenched in maple syrup, that she had smoked cocaine, even that she had been raped as a child has become part of her very public legend. In spite of her billions of dollars (or perhaps because of it) we feel compelled to open up to her. It was Oprah who finally got Tom Cruise to share his true feelings about - well - whatever it was that he was prattling on about. Now if only someone could get him to shut up again.
And now the circle is complete, when Tyra Banks premiered her talk show this Fall, after serving as a "correspondent" for Oprah for the past few years. Now we're ready for a "younger, hipper" version of Oprah. Are we really? Does this mean that Oprah will soon be revealing which body parts of hers are real? It makes me miss Merv Griffin.