Monday, July 18, 2005

The Future's So Bright...

I've lamented to many over my frustration about not having a flying car, or even a personal jet pack, but it's 2005. Two thousand and FIVE for crap's sake - where is the future we were all supposed to be living?
I remember watching Creature Features in my parents' basement when I was a mere slip of a lad (well, a roly-poly sort of slip) and watching "Frankenstein 1970." The film was made in 1958, with Boris Karloff assuming the role of Doctor Frankenstein this time. The big futuristic trick here is that the mad scientist is using an atomic reactor to bring his monster to life. The irony that was lost on me at the time was that this oh-so-futuristic notion was chronologically only about two years away from the time I was watching the movie, so there wasn't a lot of time to get that kind of technology up and running before I turned eight. So, if you're keeping score at home, thirty-five years later, there is still no way to use a nuclear reactor to bring a corpse back to life.
While we're on the subject of irresponsible use of atomic energy, how about "Space 1999?" The pilot episode synopsis: In the year 1999, the 311 inhabitants of Moonbase Alpha are stranded when the Moon is hurled from Earth's orbit when nuclear waste is ignited by magnetic radiation. Not only did our satellite stay boringly in orbit through the turn of the century, none of the really cool looking vehicles suggested in the show have come to exist, and we're still waiting for the next shuttle launch before we can get around to making a permanent base on the moon. That would make us 0 for 2 on possible futures, right?
So what's still coming up? How about "Soylent Green?" IMDB's plot summary: In the year 2022, the starving masses depend upon the government manufactured food item Soylent Green to exist. But in the midst of a murder investigation, a cop named Thorn (Charlton Heston) uncovers the chilling source of the product. Okay, now we're getting somewhere - we've still got seventeen years to reach this dystopian pinnacle. What kind of advances are we talking about here? Cops wear football helmets for riot gear - check. Pollution and population has run unchecked for too many years - check. All we need are those tasty green crackers!
Okey doke - the future clock's ticking!

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